


A Reason to Live

by Duchess_of_Devastation



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Cute memories, Established Relationship, M/M, Retirement, ereri, riren - Freeform, sick!Levi, will add more as it becomes relevant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 10:44:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6800539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duchess_of_Devastation/pseuds/Duchess_of_Devastation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is nearing 40. As the war against the Titans is winding down, and a clear victory is in sight, Levi allows himself to open up to Eren. Their relationship flows into a deep and passionate love. Levi decides that he has done his time; his body isn't wearing the wages of war as gracefully as it used to. Eren, as humanity's hope, is leading the charge in active duty as his lover opts for retirement. Levi has a little (pre-wall falling) home that he and Eren are fixing up to live in. While Eren is outside of the walls on an extended mission, Levi suffers from severe dizzy spells. He begrudgingly goes to a doctor just to to be given a death sentence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The is done mostly in perspectives drifting from current times to past memories. Everything in the summary is a prologue to this story. At the moment it's far from complete and I have yet to decide that I want to finish it but we will see. Hopefully it's good. Enjoy.

.....Levi current time.....  
Who would have thought…

I've always been “ready” to die. I mean, after all, I am a soldier. I've always known that it could happen. Not many people live very long when serving in the scouting legion. “Humanity’s strongest” they say. Who would have thought that I would go like this. And why now?

Now that I finally have a reason to live. 

“Levi, it's not looking good. Even with treatment, there really isn't much we can do.” The doctor’s words were ringing in my ears. Its like the world is shutting down around me. My vision begins to tunnel and my mind wanders. All I can think of is him. Will I be here long enough to see him again?

“Levi?”

“Huh?” I snapped back to the reality of the doctor office. “Oh… Um.. Thanks” 

Its all I can muster up before walking out of the room. Everything is surreal as I make my way down snowy streets towards my home. It's nothing much, I bought it before the wall fell. I never really did get to spend much time there but it was nice to have a place. Whenever I got leave, which was rare, I went home. The only home I've ever had. Its small and quite. I lived alone until recently…

.....Memories (Levi).....  
“Where are you going heichou? Cleaning again?! I think you have a problem!” The boy was beaming. It's a rare opportunity to pick on his commanding officer.  
“You're such a brat.”  
His smile widened. “Can I help?”  
I let out a sigh. I could never tell him no. Not when he smiles at me like that. His emerald green eyes glowed with youthful excitement. 

“Who’s house is this?”  
“It's mine. I plan on using it again… Once it's less.. Filthy.”  
“Wahh! But if you're here, when will I get time with you?”  
I must have looked so confused because he was looking at me incredulously. I guess I had never talked to him about it. I just assumed that since we had been together for 9 months now, he would understand.  
“You're such an idiot.”  
His brows furrowed. “I'm serious Levi! We hardly get time as it is! I can't do this if I never get to hold you!”  
I turned my back and walked towards the door. When I realized he wasn't following I stopped. I turned to face him again.  
“Don't be so hotheaded. You really think I would leave you behind?”

Maybe it was something I said, because a pink blush began to spread across his face. He ran over to me and before I could react lifted me and pushed me against the front door. His lips were pressed against mine. I could taste the sweetness of his tongue. He pulled back. He laughed out loud. I guess I must really look silly.  
“What was that for?”  
“Well… We must be pretty serious.” He said inquisitively. “I mean, you're asking me to move in with you!”  
My eyes widened and I could feel the heat of blush on my face. Oh god…  
“You must really love me” he continued to tease.  
“Shut up brat”

......Levi current time.....  
Well I'm still usually alone. I just spend my time cleaning and repairing the damaged parts of this little home. Now that I'm retired, there isn't much else to do. I just wait for him to come home. Our home. 

He still gets called out on patrols and missions. He's improved so much these last few years. I wait, and hope he will come back. Like I said before, soldiers have no guarantee of tomorrow. But we promised that every tomorrow that we do have, we would spend it together. I can't believe that my days are limited now. 

As I walk past the mailbox to my home, I freeze to look at it. “Jaeger” it reads. 

....Memories (Levi).....  
“Let's fix this!” He was running out to the mailbox.  
“You expecting a letter?”  
“Hah! Well you never know… We have friends you know.” He smiled so much more when we weren't at work. It was almost like we were normal people when we were here. It was almost like an escape. He is so beautiful.  
“Yeah, I guess we do.” I trailed off. I was getting lost watching him gleefully pick the broken box and place on the fence post. 

“Hey! You have paint?!”  
“Huh? Um… Yeah. Sure.”I ran and got some white paint and a thin brush. The name on the box had completely worn off, I guess he wants to fix it. I handed it to him and he began to paint. I watched him concentrating with his tongue out while he painted. I didn’t even realize at first…  
“Um… Do you know how to spell?”  
He let out a small growl and he turned to glare at me, “of course I do!”  
“I assume that you know that my name starts with A”  
“For now… But I plan on changing that.” He grinned as he continued to paint J-a-e-g-e-r.

.....Levi current time....  
He has this silly notion that I’ll take his name one day. He wants to get married and have a family. He even brought home a fuzz ball. To be honest I don't mind the cat’s company. But fur… Uhhhhgg. I sigh out loud to myself. 

“Damnit!” I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. “How am I supposed to tell him?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren begins to understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where this work had initially made it it to. Like I said before it hasn't been determined whether or not if I'll keep going. It'd be nice to have a editor/beta. But I supposed this all depends on whether or not people even enjoy this.

…Eren current time….

 

Today was a pretty… Not so bad, day. Yeah. We had minimal loses. It feels like we've been making our way back to base camp for hours now. Things are so different now, not fixed by any means, but we’re making so much progress. People are moving in again, families are building homes and growing food. There is enough sense of security that people are… Here.

Horses file into the the gates of HQ with hooves clicking on the stone road. I wish I could just go home. Mission after mission. Now that I'm in control of myself, for the most part, they need me. I just wish they knew I need time with him.

“Jaeger” the post master called.

I might have just squealed like a little girl… Whatever. I bet its from him! “Here!”

Grabbing my letter and staring at my name written in his perfect script writing, I walked to join my friends for food. I stared at my letter and let my thoughts run before opening it. I miss him. I can't wait to see him. To touch him… To fu..

“Jaeger! Stop licking your lips!” Jean snarled, “we get it! You get dirty letters!”  
“You're just jealous! I bet you've never gotten a love letter, prick!” I laugh loudly at Jean’s reaction.  
“Like you would know, shrimp!” He jabs back.

I open the letter. It wasn't so unlike him to be short and sweet in his letters but there are hardly any words on this paper!!  


> Eren-  
> I'm sick.  
> Yours truly,  
> Levi

“Mikasa! What the hell is this supposed to mean!?”  
“I think…” She seemed to pause a moment to really consider the possibilities, “it means he is sick.”  
“Wow!! That was insightful! Thanks!” I made sure she felt my sarcasm.

As I lay in my bed staring up at the bare ceiling, I can't help but think. Sick… I look over at the photo of us. He is sitting on the rails of that bridge by our place and I'm leaned in kissing his cheek. I love when he looks so irritated with me. I reach over and run my fingers across the picture. “I wish you were here.”

 

….Levi current time…

 

Time goes by… Its Monday and I'm going in for treatment. The doctor seems to be rambling on about side effects. Nausea, hair loss, loss of appetite… I could really care less now. I'm actually scared. Oh god… I'm scared. 

“It really wasn't that bad. Just cold.”  
“Yeah, this isn't really the hard part though,” the nurse chuckled “but you're tough heichou! I'm sure you'll be right as rain soon enough! If you can beat Titans, what's a little cancer?!”

She’s joking?!? I feel the anger flowing over my face. I just kill the things that try to kill me, but that doesn't exactly work when it's my own body! My hands began to ache and I balls my hands into fists. 

I feel so helpless. 

It feels like the weeks drag on. My body hates me. My house is getting filthy. So much dust. It's almost more irritating than dying. I just don't have the energy anymore. It takes so much to force myself up to feed myself these days and that cat.. I’ve got to feed his cat. I walk through the living room and cross the mirror.

“I look terrible. If he leaves I won't blame him…” I trail off on my way to the kitchen. My hair is, kind of there, it's sad. I should just shave it, but I refuse to look at it. Thank goodness for winter, because no one looks at me funny for always wearing a hat. I'm even more pale and tired looking than usually, which I didn't even know was possible. I start to cook. “Soup sounds…. Wet. Yeah, I'll have more soup.”

Is that…? I swear I heard the door. Is he..? My heart begins to pound in my chest. I've missed him so much. It's been so long. Too long. Oh no, I look so bad. I felt like running to the door, but before I could even begin to move, my head is spinning. Shit! No! Not now! Please not now! 

“No. Eren…” 

 

….Memories (Levi)….

 

“Eren! Eren! Wake up!” 

He's sweating. He's crying. He never tells me what it is that scares him so badly. Maybe he isn't scared. I really don't know. Funny that people think that I'm the reserved one. I hate to see him hurting. I wish I could protect him.

“Hey! I'm here. I've got you.” I wrapped my arms around his waist. I squeezed him tightly, pressing my head against his chest. His heart was pounding in my ear. It was racing. I felt his arms wrap around me slowly. His grip began to tighten as his head shifted. I turned my face to meet his, pressing my lips agains him feverishly. He gasped and sobbed a little and tighten his arms around me even more. 

“Levi.” His breathe was airy and his voice was raspy. “I love you, Levi.”

....Eren current time...  
I'm so ready to be home! Maybe I can get in quietly and surprise him. Though, on second thought, he’ll probably hurt m…

A crash? 

“Levi!!” I scream out, reacting to the noise of a pot hitting the floor. “Oh god..”

There was soup everywhere and he's unconscious on the floor. I rush over and lift him up. I quickly rush to the sink to wash the scalding soup from his arm. He’s burned. I lay him down on the sofa and rush for the first aid kit. “Must have fainted… I have to bandage his arm.”

As I clean and wrap his wound, an intense feeing of dread washes over me. Sick… 

He doesn't look well.

....Levi current time...  
The room is dim. My arm hurts. I slowly move to lift myself up when I notice him. He's laying on the ground next to me. Sleeping in his uniform. He hasn't even taken off his boots. He probably tracked in dirt… Uhgg. 

It's probably been hours. It's dark now. These spells keep getting longer. I try to move quietly throughly the house to grab him a blanket. 

“Ggggg..” Eren stirs. “Levi… Are you ok?”  
“Um, didn't you get my letter?”  
“Well.. Yeah, but you didn't exactly explain anything. You just said you were sick.” Concern washes over his face and his brows furrow. He stands and walks over to me. I feel his finger tips begin to trace my jaw line. I feel a gasp escape my lips. Tears. 

 

….Eren current time…

 

Even his tears are chilly. His eyes look so tired and sullen. He really is sick. Too sick. “I should have been here for you.”

My gut is churning. I reach for him. He seems smaller than usual, he is normally small, but he's fragile now. I wrap my arms around his small frame. He’s shaking. “I'm so sorry” he mumbled through tears. 

“How sick are you?”  
“Well, I've been in treatment for about a month and a half now but, my numbers aren't getting any better.” He says as he rests back on to me as we sit on the sofa together.  
“Treatment? Numbers? Levi? Just tell me.”  
“Leukemia, I have cancer Eren. And…” He pauses, “not much time.”  
“Not much?!?” Panic sinks in. No! No! No! He's been my savior. He is my everything! I can't loose him. Mom was hard enough, and then my friends…now..? I can't handle this.

“4 months… Maybe.”


End file.
